Gardening in a strange mood

Another long gap between blogs, partly because I am living parallel lives in blog world. Yesterday saw me tackling the overgrown garden front and back, disturbing a small family of zebras who had set up home near to the shed – or was it a family of small zebras? It was hard to tell.

Today saw me energetically cleaning the inside of the car, use of vacuum cleaner and even taking out the rubber mats to wash them.

Why was I at pains to explain to my neighbour yesterday that my wife had gone away for the weekend? What was I really doing in the garden? Why was I cleansing the car so thoroughly? Both behaviours are out of character.

The strange mood? All this activity has been a kind of therapy for me, a displacement activity – how peculiar, there has just been an item on the radio referring to “Cleaning the House”, a study of people who are grieving – because earlier in the week I learnt that one of my clients had died. It is sad and tragic for the client and the client’s family, and it is the first time I have experienced such a loss. Extended moments of normality, even though perhaps a little detached, are interspersed with momentary thoughts of loss. Apart from the activity, it was good to be in close contact with nature under a warm sun. It is all the more strange because I am not a natural gardener by any means. The resulting aching of limbs was also strangely pleasurable, a kind of neural badge for energy expended to good effect – it was sweet to relax and later to sleep.

Evening now falls, and the long-threatened rain clouds have just put in an appearance over the town. Expecting call from my wife soon to let me know when she will be home. All is well and for this and much else I am thankful. It is about mindfulness rather than feeling self-satisfied.

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